5 Effective and Loving Ways to Discipline Your Child Part 3: Do You Need to Be Held?

Updated 10-21-20

Today we are going to talk about a third tool we use in our home. In order to have a foundation for what I’m talking about in this one, make sure you read part two where I explain what the no fun chair is and how to use it.

This method is to be used in conjunction with the no fun chair. Giving our kids alone time in the chair works effortlessly sometimes, but other times they need a little extra help.

One day I was walking through the living room while my daughter was in the chair, and she had been there for quite some time. She was crying harder and was visibly very upset. As I passed her, this thought popped into my head, “Can you calm down on your own, or do you need to be held?” Sure enough, she told me that she did need to be held in order to calm down.

I climbed into the no fun chair, put her into my lap, and just snuggled her for a few minutes. I rubbed her back and soothed her until she was able to talk and get herself out of the chair.

This isn’t “cheating” or backing down, because I held to my same standard. She still was required to change her tone and have a conversation with me before she was permitted to leave the chair. But in this case, she needed a little extra help.

This is a powerful example for them to have later in life when they are upset. Instead of punishing them, we love them. Love is the most transformative experience we can give, far more transforming than punishment.

The other benefit to this approach is that the child learns emotional intelligence. That is, they learn to identify what they need. Sometimes our kids act up for no reason other than needing attention or comfort. If we punish this, we teach them to disconnect from that need, and they will grow into adults who don’t know how to recognize their various needs or how to get them met.

If your children are having a hard time getting their emotions under control alone in the no fun chair, try this next time! Your presence can be a big help.