7 Keys to Change Your Biggest Parenting Frustrations Into Peace
Is there an ongoing situation in your home that is causing frustration? Are there specific times you can identify that you are short with your children? It’s usually not too hard to find those sore spots in your relationship with your child, and finding the solution to ease the frustration can feel elusive or even impossible.
I am guessing if you look at your daily life, there are probably several key places that aren’t working for you or your child. If you have a high value for being on time, then maybe you can’t seem to get out the door without being short with your children as they get their shoes on and collect up their bags. Or maybe your children are absolute geniuses when it comes to delaying going to sleep at bedtime, and you struggle to get them down peacefully. Maybe your kids frequently talk back or whine, and it’s difficult to keep a respectful tone yourself.
Think of your biggest pain point for a moment. What would it feel like to not struggle with that anymore? So often as parents we push through these pain points with our kids without finding a solution. There can be so much going on that we don’t always take the time to get to the root and find the needed change.
I am guessing if you look at your daily life, there are probably several key places that aren’t working for you or your child. Figuring out the cause can be one of the hardest steps. You may be thinking, “Why are we all struggling in this one area?” When you figure out the cause, you will have an easier time coming up with a solution.
FINDING THE ROOT CAUSE
An example of this in our family is when we homeschooled our daughter for part of elementary school. There were some days when doing school was significantly harder than others. She wouldn’t focus, she whined a lot, and it was harder for her to grasp concepts. We finally realized the days she struggled the most (and the days we were prone to get frustrated) were the days we did school in the afternoons. The days we started right at 8:00 a.m. went smoothly.
We finally came to the understanding that the real problem was how worn out she was by the afternoon and adding on the mental exercise of schooling was more than she could handle while staying pleasant. If we did school in the morning, the mental challenge was easily handled because she was energetic and fresh from a good night’s sleep. By finding the actual cause, the solution was very easy to come up with. We changed our routine to make sure the kids were up no later than 7:00 a.m., and school started right at 8:00 a.m. That way we had happy and energetic children and parents who were peaceful and not fighting feelings of frustration.
One way Lauren and I land on solutions like these is by asking each other questions when we notice things aren’t going well. If you’re a single parent, talking with a friend or journaling could be helpful to process these questions. Start by thinking about a situation each day with your children that is frustrating. Are there specific times you notice you are short with them? Take a moment to ask yourself why you are all struggling in this one area:
Am I following through on consequences?
Am I being inconsistent right now?
Am I waiting too long to feed them (could they simply be hungry)? Have they been playing outside and wearing off energy?
Have they been getting enough sleep?
Have I been giving them a bit of my full attention when I am with them?
Are they no longer interested in the motivators set up for them?
Is there something spiritual happening that is affecting them?
By asking these questions, you are looking at many of the potential things which could be influencing what’s happening in your home. Next, ask yourself this, “What is one potential solution I can try next time?” Make a note of how it goes and be prepared to change until you find one that works.
IT’S OKAY TO NEED HELP
One of the things I’ve learned in my own personal parenting journey, as well as in my experience with coaching parents, is that sometimes you need someone outside of your home to help bring perspective to a situation. Walking through these questions on your own will definitely help you in your parenting, but if you feel stuck or just aren’t finding a solution that works for your family, parent coaching may be for you.
I love working directly with parents and coaching them to see their family thrive. Sometimes having an outside coach is exactly what you need to pinpoint the real underlying issue and have your family life step into a greater level of peace.
If you’d like to find out more about parent coaching with me, you can learn more and sign up here.
Not ready to dive into coaching? I highly recommend you check out my workshops. They give you practical tools and answer questions from parents just like you on key topics such as raising strong leaders, having peaceful nighttimes, getting rid of anger and releasing joy, being present, living from encounter, and more to create the family life you want while partnering with the Lord in raising your kids in the way they should go. These resources can help highlight the root causes of your kid’s behavior and give you practical tools you can apply to see transformation in your home.