Parenting From Peace

As a parent, it seems so easy to worry about our kids. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re carrying anxiety in our parenting, and this can affect our whole family. I actually created an ebook, Worry-Free Parenting Hacks, to help parents live worry free and teach their children to do the same! I wanted to share an excerpt from this ebook because it seems so relevant for where we are right now.

We went through a season in our home where our children were adamant about not reading the Bible. We have a very high value in our family for the Word of God, so my initial reaction was to make my children listen as I read Bible stories to them. Then I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart not to force them. I ended up telling my kids that if they didn’t want me to read the Bible to them, I wouldn’t. This felt like it went against everything I believe, but I knew God was up to something.

Later that night as the kids were getting in bed, they asked me, like they do every night, to tell them a story. I again heard the Holy Spirit, this time directing me to tell them a Bible story, which gave me a glimpse of what He was up to. I thought to myself, “just because they don’t want to read the Bible doesn’t mean I can’t still give them the word of God,” so I began to tell them the story of Jesus walking on the water.

Instead of just telling it to them as it’s written, I put them in the story, as if they were Peter. I told it with as much detail as possible. When we got to the part where Peter takes his eyes off Jesus, it was like slow motion in my imagination as I watched my children take their eyes off Jesus and begin to sink. They cried out to Him, and immediately He took their hands and lifted them back to the surface. As I watched this take place, I realized I’d spent my children’s entire lives with low level anxiety that at some point they might take their eyes off Him and sink. I’d been so focused on what they should do to avoid sinking, I couldn’t even see what He’d do if they were.

What I saw that night had never crossed my mind before. I saw Jesus take their hand before their head went under water. I realized that even if my children take their eyes off Jesus at some point in their lives, He would never take His eyes off them. I felt the anxiety leave me as a peace came over my heart. Instead of me preaching to my kids to never take their eyes off Jesus or they would sink (which of course is an important lesson), my focus was now on Him lifting them up no matter what storm was trying to take them. Instead of my faith being in my kids’ ability to keep their eyes on Jesus, my faith was now back where it belonged, on Jesus. Instead of depending on them, I was again dependent on Him.

That night changed a lot for me as a parent. First, I followed the Holy Spirit when He told me not to force the Bible on my kids (yes, there are times they need to read the Bible when they don’t feel like it, but there are also times they shouldn’t). Second, I hadn’t even realized I was parenting them in their relationship with God from a place of worry rather than trust. That one quick experience with God jolted me back to a place of peace.

That’s my intention and prayer for you today. That God would expose and remove places of worry, anxiety, and fear, and jolt you back into a place of trust. I pray that you would be in a position for those experiences with Jesus and His truth that replace worry with peace, and that your faith would rest in Jesus and His ability, rather than your own.

Putting it into Practice: A quick tip to help you identify the root of worry in your kid and replace it with God's peace.

When our children are worrying, oftentimes they express it in frustration toward their siblings or parents. When we notice they are caught in worry, ask them the question, “What do you need?”

You may need to give them options if they have trouble figuring out what they need. For example, a few common issues are being tired, needing alone time, being hungry, and feeling unheard. So they would need rest, some quiet time, food, or someone to listen. When you know what they need, lead them in praying like you did above. Bedtime is a good time to go through the day and finish the evening with prayer so they go to sleep peacefully.

Step 1: Why are you upset?

Note: There’s usually a deeper issue than the first thing they say. That’s ok, the next question will help get to the root of it.

Step 2: What do you need right now?

Note: They might need help from you to coach them if they’re not used to identifying it.

Step 3: Help them get their need met, or focus on what God has done before in a similar situation.

Note: For younger children, usually what they need (rest, food, someone to listen, an apology) is something you can help them with in the moment. Walk them through what they need in the moment. If your children are older, they might be dealing with something that’s beyond a simple fix. Ask them to think of what God has done before in a similar situation and have them write it down. If you can’t think of something from your own life, you can use testimonies from other people or from Scripture.

Step 4: Ask them to talk to God about their needs and give thanks.

Note: As you pray together, ask if they are needing to understand in this area. If they are, then add into your prayer time together, “I give up my need to understand, and I would rather experience Your peace.”

Parent’s Prayer: Thank you Father that it is very possible for my children not to worry. I agree with this truth and refuse to agree with any thought that would tell me otherwise. I ask for my children to have the grace to give up their need to understand the situation right now, that they would instead have Your peace to guide them. 

*Notes: Excerpt adapted from my ebook, Worry-Free Parenting Hacks. You can get it here.