2 Ways To Become The Parent You've Dreamt Of
Our natural default as parents is to do exactly what we saw our parents do. If we don’t have other options, we will likely raise our children exactly how we were raised. This could be very good or very bad. Either way, just winging it won’t cut it when you find yourself needing help. Here are two tips to help you parent more intentionally.
Tip 1 - Acquire new tools
You won’t change your parenting habits without getting a new toolset. I have two books I recommend to help you gather these new tools. The first is “Loving Our Kids On Purpose” by Danny Silk. This book offers incredible practical help as well as healthy mindsets for raising kids the way most of us were not raised.
The second is “How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This book is a national best seller, and it is loaded with information to help you equip yourself as a parent.
Tip 2 - Access the tools you’ve been given
It’s easy to learn what these books teach, but then, in the heat of the moment, we can find ourselves parenting the same way we always have. We beat ourselves up wondering why can’t we use these amazing tools. I found a huge key to this in the movie Inside Out. In the movie, the memories the main character has developed over her lifetime are stored emotionally. When we read parenting books, we’re typically relaxed, but when we need to access what we've learned, we’re probably frustrated. Because our tools are stored emotionally, we can’t find them in the moment! We can't access them until we get out of frustration and into the relaxed emotional state we learned them in. Find ways to stay relaxed. Don’t just react to the moment, stay calm. When you do, you'll easily access the tools you've learned.
One way I do this is by saying to my kids, “Hey, I would love to talk, as soon as you lower your voice.” This helps me stay peaceful, which allows me to recall the tools I’ve learned.
Try implementing these two tips in your parenting, and you’ll on your way to becoming the parent you’ve always dreamed of!